Fear

dealing with fear

I have been dealing with fear for as long as I can remember. Fear is a powerful motivator. It has driven me to do things that I never thought possible, and it has kept me from attempting many other things that I should have done.

Fear of rejection, failure, not being good enough – these are all fears which we have experienced many times over the years.

Up until about two years ago, I think my mind would be described as "fear-based". I wondered if my experience is typical of others and in my research a common theme that comes up repeatedly – is this idea of "fear-based" thinking.

It is fair to say that while most of us are controlled by some degree of fear, fear can be an especially large factor in the life of a highly sensitive person or even someone in recovery, (for the purposes of this essay we will call both groups HSP's.)

The fear is that everything is changing and will change. That once we leave our comfort zone, our life will never be the same. And isn't that what recovery is about? Leaving the safety of "what was" and risking change to get on with living? The Fear turns into a learning experience and that leads to growth.

Sometimes fear can become more than just a motivator for change; it becomes, I believe, a roadblock – one which keeps us in our comfort zone and prevents us from experiencing life in the way we were meant to.

"Don't go!" My fears scream at me every time I try something new.

The fear voice tells me that I will not be able to manage it. The fear voice reminds me of all that could go wrong, the fear voice is just waiting for me to fail so it can be validated.

It is very hard not to listen to the fear voice. Fear has been my constant companion since I was a small child and I have come to realize that the fear is by-proxy of dealing with my sexuality and coming out. My fears do not want me to get hurt, they do not want me to try something new or different, they do not want me to fail. If my fears could have their way, I would stay in a safe place all by myself and never experience anything fun, new, or exciting.

There can be a fine line between fear and our intuition – but the two are intertwined. Fear gives us that "not on my watch" protective factor which can be helpful in many situations. But when that fear becomes overwhelming, it does not allow us to see outside of your own perspective, to take chances or make mistakes, and rather than empowering you, it can keep you stuck and narrow your focus. Intuition, on the other hand, is about opening your mind and allowing yourself to take in information that comes from outside your usual everyday experience. This "outside information" can be sensed through emotions, feelings, gut instincts or just a knowingness that comes over you.

Over time I have managed to recognize when my fears are trying to tell me something and when I am giving in to my fears which prevent me from seeing a bigger picture. I have learned that most of the time, it is better for me to listen to what my intuition is telling me rather than going with what my fears are trying to tell me.

When I do listen to my fears, I usually end up regretting it later. It usually means that I have chosen the "safe" path rather than one which may have been difficult on my ego, but immensely rewarding in other ways.

Life is about change and the only constant in life is change. The more you can accept this fundamental truth, the more you are able to embrace the idea that change is positive. It is about learning to see fear as your friend and using it to push you forward – rather than letting fear use you. By doing this, we can keep our intuition in balance with our fears and create a balance of thoughts, feelings and desires that will allow us to live our best life.

I am not sure when the change happened for me but at some point, over the last few years, I became aware of this constant battle inside my head between fear and intuition. And I began to make the choice to act on what felt right rather than listen to that ever-present inner voice telling me of all the potential things that could go wrong.

It sounds simple enough, doesn't it? But in the moment of decision when you are left to make a choice between fear and intuition, you can experience an incredible amount of mental resistance, especially if you are not aware that this struggle is happening inside your head. With awareness comes power - and the ability to not just choose but also to act on that choice.

This last year was a tough one for me and 7.5 billion others. There were many changes in my life, and I experienced the confusion, overwhelming fear and self-doubt which accompanies these changes. But I want to make it clear that this was not because of some outside influence or some new circumstance that came into my life. This was the result of my own choice to change what I do and how I think.

I am not saying that you have complete control over your choices, or the consequences associated with them but if you are aware of that struggle within yourself then at some level you can manage your fear. HSP's brains are already wired differently, and this influences how we perceive and process the world around us. Our brain can be overwhelmed by too much sensory input because there is so many stimuli coming into the brain at any one time. This can trigger something called "amygdala hijack". While we all have an amygdala, or what I also like to call our "inner ninja", it has a more significant role in the life of an HSP and this makes it harder to deal with fear and anxiety. Our inner ninja is and constantly on alert for danger – even if there really is not any threat at all. This sense of fear and anxiety becomes amplified when we are in a "probable danger" situation, such as sitting down to take an exam, giving a presentation at work, or asking someone out on a date, or taking control of our health and wellbeing or thinking about probable future interactions.

These situations activate the ancient survival part of our brain: the amygdala. While this is helpful in terms of getting us to be alert, it is also this part of the brain which is responsible for our fear response.

Our inner ninja can run amok when we are in danger, causing us to freeze when we should act, flee when we should fight and become overwhelmed by the stress of the situation. It is not that we do not know on some level that there really is not any danger, it is more to do with our brain's wiring. A highly sensitive person's amygdala is over-stimulated by too much sensory input so when they are in a threatening situation, they experience the fight-or-flight response even when it is not necessary. Drugs and alcohol dull our inner ninja's fight-or-flight response and can leave us feeling a false sense of security, at least temporarily.

So, what can we do about it? Well, for myself meditation has been a way to help gain the upper hand on my fear. I had attempted meditation in the past but never had any success with it until I found some guided meditations that were designed for people just like me. It has made all the difference in my life, and I now meditate every day, even if it is for 30 seconds.

Now, when I find myself worrying about something, I close my eyes and take some deep breaths before starting to meditate. Within five minutes or so I am already feeling much calmer and my mind is no longer racing. I have experienced major improvements in my stress levels, anxiety, and overall mood since I started meditating regularly.

The next step I took was to rid my routine of negative thought patterns. This was not always easy because it meant that I had to be much more aware of what was going on in my life 24 hours a day. I had to look at all my thoughts and ask myself "Is this a productive or unproductive thought". If it is the latter, then I need to challenge that thought, and reframe it into something positive. It takes practice, repetition, and consistency.

But sometimes negative thoughts are not just things that are going through our heads alone but are also what we are telling ourselves. It means that we need to also pay attention to our thoughts and how often we are saying something negative about ourselves. Negative self-talk is dangerous because it reinforces those negative thought patterns in the brain, causing them to become more of a reality than they should be. Thus, triggering more fear.

So now I check my thoughts constantly and if they are not going to help me or someone else, I do not say them. I also have a rule that I can only speak about something negative if it is constructive criticism and will lead to a positive change, never for the purpose of being a bitch. This has been working well for me because not only does it stop me from being negative, but it also helps me say more positive things because that is what I am thinking.

But sometimes I still slip into negative thinking or say something bad about myself. When this happens, I always try to find someone who will tell me the truth, even if it is difficult to hear. I surround myself with people who will give it to me straight because they understand that I want to make changes for the better and usually have some good advice to offer.

And of course, look within yourself. Try very hard not to be judgmental towards others because I know that if I am judging them, then I will be just as judgmental towards myself.

The point is to go within and face your fears on a more personal level. It is continuing to work towards achieving the life that you long for, but with courage, love, and compassion.

And of course, look within yourself. Try very hard not to be judgmental towards others because I know that if I am judging them, then I will be just as judgmental towards myself.

Fear turns into a learning experience and that leads to positive personal growth. The point is to go within and face your fears on a more personal level. It is continuing to work towards achieving the life that you long for, but with courage, love, and compassion.

Art Appreciation

Art and culture participation makes a difference in people’s lives on a massive scale. Our societies stand to gain from investments in the arts and arts education. Appreciating the art works made by others help us become not just happier and healthier, but also better more engaged citizens. Data from the General Social Survey linked participation as either an audience member or creator to higher levels of civic engagement. (“Blogger - XMABOL KREATIONZ”)

The correlations are quite compelling.

People who attended art shows or read poetry were more likely to volunteer in the last year. They were also more likely to have helped a stranger, donated blood, given money to a homeless person, or donated time or money to an organization. When queried about their civic participation in the last month, people who participated in arts events were also more likely to have attended a public meeting, contacted an elected official, and voted.

The difference was even more profound for those who created art themselves. People who had done creative writing or woodworking or played music at least once in the past year, were much more likely to have done each of the activities listed in the survey, including volunteering in the community.

The same study also found an increase in happiness with art appreciation and participation. The authors matched up how often people had attended art shows or read poetry with their self-reported levels of happiness. People who did either activity several times a year were happier than those who had never done it or did it less often.

Now more than ever, we need to remember the role and purpose of arts and culture in our lives; it plays a significant role in strengthening our economy, health, well-being, society, and education.

We call this “Placemaking or Urban Enchantment Engineering"” — the connection between people and places, loosely defined as a multi-faceted approach to the planning, design and management of public spaces that builds on the physical, historical and cultural assets of a community to create vibrant places that attract investment and encourage economic growth.

In this context, placemaking is based on the premise that if people are enchanted by their surroundings, they will be more likely to act in ways that benefit themselves and their communities—by spending time in public spaces. This Urban Enchantment Engineering is achieved using Arts and Culture as a tool to achieve sustainable, healthy, and humane cities.

The thinking is that placemaking starts with the creation of public art inspired by community input about what they want to see in their cityscape. This helps communities craft a vision for their neighborhood or downtown area. Public art can be a catalyst for change; it can transform perceptions of communities, attract investment, and promote economic growth. It can also enable people to express themselves in new ways, encouraging them to join in the development of their city.

Creative placemaking saw its origin in Canada and was partly inspired by the work of A Pattern Language, a book which outlines practical applications for design theories developed by Christopher Alexander, Sara Ishikawa, and Murray Silverstein at UC Berkeley.

What we call "Urban Enchantment Engineering" is simply based on the principals of Social Placemaking as outlined in this book.

The first social place-making project was launched by Miami Herald columnist and award-winning author Liz Balmaseda, who created an event she called “Art Attack” to bring attention to the often-overlooked Wynwood neighborhood in Miami. In collaboration with dozens of local artists, musicians, and small business owners, she brought a vibrant arts festival to one of the most blighted pockets of her city – an area well-known for its drug violence and high arrest rates. As a result, over ten thousand people came out to participate in the arts festival, and more importantly, revitalization efforts led by several local stakeholders followed.

This is no different from what had done for decades with Dumbo Arts Festival in Brooklyn. But Dumbo required the work of hundreds of talented artists, curators, and leaders of not-for-profit organizations to make it happen it uses arts and culture to influence the physical, economic, and social aspects of urban development. This type of placemaking is achieved through a multi-faceted approach to creating public spaces that builds on the physical, historical, and cultural assets of a community. This approach takes place along several fronts:

- Art and culture as the centerpiece of a local identity

- A vibrant streetscape that brings people together to socialize and interact.

- An enhanced sense of place that encourages discovery, builds community pride, improves human health, increases property values, supports small business entrepreneurship, provides jobs for artists, promotes environmental stewardship, combats crime and violence, promotes social justice, unites communities under a cohesive vision for the future.

This approach is also called "Place Marketing" by Master Planners. From an economic point of view, Place Marketing efforts are intended to attract new businesses that will in turn create jobs and bolster tax revenues - something mayors seek in every way.

Place Marketing is about making the communities where we live and work more attractive, vibrant, sustainable, and healthy by leveraging our arts and culture industries. It is time to make the invisible visible.

Urban Enchantment Engineering is a grassroots movement that brings awareness to how arts and culture can be used as a tool for urban development, by bringing together complementary uses of land through placemaking efforts. This is part of sensible Urbanism and Smart Growth. It is a community effort which generates innovative ideas to make communities more livable. It is all about taking care of the public realm, from public parks to streets and sidewalks, with an emphasis on bringing people together in shared space -- in essence, making our spaces enchanting.

What may seem like magic spells are simply superior design, applied with a little bit of panache.

The city is a living organism, just like you and me. It evolves every day. It can be painful or glorious. Just like life itself. The city is constantly changing, with some parts of it evolving faster than others. The aim of arts and culture is to help the parts that need our help the most, by using arts and culture as a tool for urban development.

It is not an easy task; it is not for the faint of heart. It takes courage and vision, with determination to see ideas transformed into reality.

We are in this together, with our differences, similarities, and common goals. We need to listen more, talk less. We need to learn from each other. We need everyone to get involved because that is how change happens.

LOVE

As human beings existing on this planet, we all have an infinite capacity for acts of caring and love. It is not a finite resource to be hoarded. It is an infinite resource to be given freely and generously. It is the foundation of all human relationships, because it is this precious treasure that connects us together as one human family. Without it we would be isolated and alone. Our instincts drive us constantly to give love and affection, but as we grow up this natural desire is stifled by the 'normal' protocols of society that demand that we follow certain rules of behavior or else face ostracism as a result. Even with all the negative things our species has done, love is an exclusive positive phenomenon.

I am not talking about romantic love here - even though that kind of love is important to us too. I mean a general capacity for caring about people whether we are related by blood, marriage or not.

To care for another person is an act of the heart - not really something to do with brains. It is also one of our greatest human attributes. Think about it.

We risk our own lives to save people we do not even know because they are in distress or need assistance or to reach safety, we do this because their life has value simply because they are human. To risk one’s own life for an unknown person is one of the most noble acts that a human being can do.

So, to love is another story.

There are so many ways to define love - again, ultra-subjective I guess - but there is one observation about it that seems true to me. Love makes us want to look after people, protect them, help them reach their potential...it comes from an inner desire to keep other people safe, happy, and healthy...to give what we have and them what they need.

Love is at its deepest and most selfless when we care about people we do not know. This is because love can be so easily tainted by selfish motives when it becomes mixed with other feelings or expectations. That is why it is sometimes referred to as an unconditional love. To give unconditionally requires real depth of caring, patience and the capacity to forgive because there are many conditions attached to love in our world today. However, the list of things that can be acquired in return for someone loving you seems endless.

And yet…. Loving without expecting anything in return is rare and wonderful - and it is free.

Wherever there is the capacity for love, there is a reason to celebrate! I have recently begun telling family closest to me that I love them ...because I do love them, and it is important to me that they know this. I always knew I loved them and thought it was obvious and I suddenly realized that I did not tell them often enough or really express my feelings towards them.

Therefore, I have also decided to let my friends know they are loved...I believe this type of love; unconditional love protects us and makes us braver. I think if we gave this kind of love more often to those around us, there would be less conflict, fewer wars and people would feel less lonely. Just to clarify this form of unconditional love is not about romantic attachment; it is about caring for someone, warts, and all.

So… now you know to be prepared! Please do not hold it against me though....it does not mean that I expect anything in return. Receiving love can make us feel incredibly vulnerable, but it also makes us immensely strong too – it is because we are capable of great acts of kindness, kindness that we often never receive in return.

Love is exclusive.

Love is about caring for others.

Love is not about only about feelings.

The real work of love is in the action.

Love IS the action.

We could suffer a whole lot less if we all loved each other more.