audacity

I have a saying I like , “Audacity is the cornerstone of creative design and original thought.” Audacity is the perfect tool. With it, you can create anything you can imagine. It is the first step on the long journey to realizing dreams.

But what is audacity? It is defines as "boldness or daring". And that is exactly what it is. Audacity is about being brave enough to do what others say cannot be done. It is having the courage to stand up and be counted.

And it is not only for the fearless few. Everyone can tap into their audacity and use it to achieve great things. It doesn't matter who you are or where you come from. All that matters is what you are willing to do.

There are many reasons why audacity is so popular. Firstly, it is free and easy to use. It also has a huge range of features which means that it can be used for a wide variety of tasks. Being audacious can help you to be more creative and expressive in your work. Whether you are an artist, musician, podcaster, journalist or just someone who wants to create a funny voice, audacity is the perfect tool for you.

In addition to its features, audacity also has a very active user community. This means that you can find other audacious people to collaborate with, learn from and share tips and tricks. Audacity is the perfect tool for anyone who wants to be creative and expressive in their work.

So what are you waiting for?

Tap into some audacity today!

growth

growth

I grew up with an abusive father and that experience has led me to have fairly complicated relationships with the men in my life. As a result, I am fussy but easily open to getting into serious relationships, and when I do, I dive in headfirst not considering the actual depth of what I’m diving into. I’ve been lucky that when I do find relationships that can accept me for all of my quirks, oddities, and faults, they still love me anyway, and that makes me a very happy man. I am very loyal in a relationship, and I would do anything for the person that I care about. I am very enthusiastic, and I put my whole heart into everything that I do.

I have been in three serious relationships and twice I was the one who ended it. The first time, I was young and didn't know what I wanted. The second time, I was in a relationship with a wonderful person that was just not a good fit. I stayed in that relationship for too long just because I didn't want to be alone.

But I always live with the fear of never knowing how long love will last, whether or not I’ll be abandoned on the side of a road or have to worry if a situation will lead to hands being thrown or if my worth and value will be questioned or even ridiculed or when love and affection are going to be withheld for some minor transgression. These were the lessons that were passed down to me from my father.

It’s not easy breaking the cycle and unlearning what you’ve learned as a child. It’s not easy being a good role model for yourself especially when you never really had one for yourself. But it is possible, and it starts with recognizing the patterns that we fall into and making a conscious effort to break them. One day, maybe, I will be able to break the cycle for good. But until then, I will continue to try my best, even when I stumble, because that is what strong people do, they get back up, no matter how many times they fall, and they keep moving forward, always looking out for and still there to pick up the ones around them.

These complications also cause a tremendous amount of anxiety, when you grow up living with the unknown and a volatile element, apologizing becomes second nature almost instinctual, an obsessive and compulsive desire to fix things just so that you can feel loved again. I know that I am not alone in this. There are so many other people out there who have dealt with or are currently dealing with similar issues. When you have that anxiety, there is a voice in your head that is constantly berating you, constantly telling you that you are not good enough, that you are worthless. That voice can be incredibly loud, and it can be incredibly difficult to drown it out. But you can do it, you can drown out that voice by replacing it with the voices of the people who love you. The people who believe in you.

The obsessive need to apologize is closely tied to self-preservation. It is a way of trying to take back control of a situation that feels out of control. It is a way of trying to ensure that you will not be abandoned, that you will not be rejected. It is a way of trying to make sure that you are still loved and accepted. But it is also a way of denying yourself the chance to be happy. It is a way of denying yourself the chance to be in a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

It is time to let go of that compulsive need to apologize. It is time to stop trying to fix things that are broken. It is time to start living for yourself, and only yourself. It is time for the love that you have to offer to be accepted, instead of it being rejected out of fear.

These behavior patterns lead me into situations where I did not want to be who I was, to not be the name I was given, to not have the history I had lived, I wanted to be anybody other than who I was, all I wanted to do was escape into a fantasy of my choosing, a life I wish I had, instead of living the life I had. That fantasy life becomes a way to cope with the pain, to try and make sense of the senseless, to try and find a way to heal when the damage seems irreparable. To try and find hope in a life that sometimes feels like it's nothing but darkness.

I have always thought the people who have been hurt the most are often the ones who can love the most deeply. They understand pain in a way that others do not. They understand what it means to be vulnerable, and they are not afraid to show their vulnerabilities to the world. These people have been hurt by the world and their circumstances, but they have also learned how to give and receive love in a way that others cannot. They understand that love is not about perfection, it is about making mistakes and learning from them. They know that love is not about getting what you want, it is about unconditionally giving of yourself to someone else.

 And that is why I am writing this. I want people to understand that just because someone has dealt with or is currently dealing with difficult situations, it does not mean that they are weak. It does not mean that they are damaged goods. It means that they are survivors. It means that they are fighters.

So, if you are reading this and you feel like you are alone, or you feel like you are the only one who is struggling, I want you to know that you are not. You are not alone. There are people out there who love and support you, are there for you and will help you get through this.

I swore to myself that I would never be the man that my father is or was to me. I most certainly am not. As I get older, I see increasingly my father in the mirror. It's just a physical resemblance, but it’s a reminder of who I am, not who he is. My father was a sad, confused man who may not have been the best man he could have been, but that doesn't mean I have to be like him. I'm not going to let his past dictate my future. I have worked hard to create the life I want for myself, and I refuse to let anyone, or anything take that away from me. I am my own person, with my own hopes, dreams, and aspirations. And I will never give up on them, no matter what life throws my way.

I may not have had the best role model to look up to, but I am determined to be a good one for my own children someday. I will teach them about strength, resilience, and courage. And I will show them that they can be whoever they want to be, no matter what life throws at them.

Even with the best of intentions, there are times when I find myself slipping back into those old ways, ways that I swore I would never go back to. I am human and I make mistakes. The key is learning from them and moving forward. I have to give some credit to the complications of life; they have led me to where I am today. A place of strength and I am at ease with my vulnerability. A place where I can love openly and freely, but I still deal with the fear of being hurt and the fear of rejection. I’m at a place where I can be myself, flaws and all. And I am grateful for that.

For a very long time, I thought that my fate was to never feel unconditional love. That this is how it was supposed to be and that I couldn’t escape it. That the love I have to give was never going to be reciprocated or made to feel safe to do so. It wasn’t until I started working on myself and learning about my history and patterns did, I realize that this was not something that was happening to me but something that I had chosen.

I had chosen to be someone who I wasn't, who always tried to make things right regardless of the situation. Who always apologized for things they couldn’t control, but most importantly, I had chosen to be someone who believed that I was not worth fighting for that I was not worth saving.

But that is not who I am anymore. I know that I am worth fighting for. I know that I am worth saving. And most importantly, I know that I deserve to be loved and to be in a healthy relationship. One where my needs are considered and met and one where both parties feel safe and loved.

I have found that the best way to deal with this is to accept myself for who I am, to love myself, and to know that I am worthy of being loved. RuPaul says it best" If you don't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?” Truer words have not been spoken.

I also remind myself that I am not my father and that I will never be like him, and that love does not come with strings attached or is used as a weapon for emotional manipulation. I know that I deserve better than the horrible lessons he taught me and that I created a life for myself that is based on my values and beliefs, not his.

So, there is always hope. You can find happiness and love if you are willing to fight for it. It may not be easy, but it is worth it. I know this because I have been through the darkness, and I have emerged on the other side, stronger and more resilient than ever before.

So don’t give up.

Don’t give in to the darkness.

Fight for your happiness and your peace of mind.

It is worth it.

I promise you that it is worth it.

fuck some money

go f*** some money 

In uncertain times its best to focus on yourself and your career and your money-making opportunities. Be aware of the big picture. Don’t be blind or ignorant to what's going on around you, don't dwell on it every day either, it only makes things worse. 

Set daily goals for yourself and learn to accomplish them. Polish your skills and talents so you can maximize these opportunities when they arise in the future. Remember that in times like these, things change fast, and you have to keep up in order to succeed in whatever endeavor it is you want to succeed at [work, art, life]. 

Martyrdom does not pay bills or help others when they need it most. So, think carefully about how your actions will affect others around you before taking any steps that could possibly be construed as "martyring" yourself out on a limb just for attention from friends. 

Stay close to people who care about your wellbeing, but don't use them as a crutch or sounding board for problems that are only marginally their business. Keep them informed on what's going on with you but be aware of how much information is too much at any given time...it’s very easy to slip into self-gratuitous pity party mode when confiding in others and shutting out all reason and logic. If they want to help, then they will offer advice or suggestions. If you don't like what they say then take it with a grain of salt and ignore it or use it as a tool for finding your own answers, but don't fall apart emotionally because the person you were talking to didn't give you want you wanted to hear. 

Stay positive and keep yourself busy with productive work. That's what's going to get you through this time in your life where you have no idea what's going on next...don’t think about how scary that is just yet, deal with one day at a time and one step at a time toward the future. There will always be rough times ahead so expect them and plan for them...but never let them define who you are as a person. Don't look for sympathy, don’t obsess about what's going on in the world around you. Stick to your guns on what you know is right for yourself and others who need help or assistance that only you can provide them with. 

When I say go f*** some money, I don’t mean it literally, but mean it in a way that will steer and redirect your focus from distractions. The more distractions you have, the less productive you will be. I'm not even talking about items in your house, or fun things to do. What I am talking about are personal or professional goals that otherwise just suck away energy and time. We all want to make more money, right? I know that if you are like me, you spend some time thinking about how it would be nice to get rid of debt. We usually think about the stuff we want for example "I wish I had a new car." or "If only I could drop ten pounds" (Ughhh. this is my problem) 

The whole point of visualization is to take what you want and make it real. If your goals are not specific enough, they will remain elusive; they will keep out of reach. For example, when setting New Year resolutions people say things like “I want to lose weight." This is too vague. A better goal would be "By March 31st, I will lose 30 pounds”. You should be able to visualize your goal. You should know exactly what you want. This way every other distraction is out of the way, and you are focused on one thing, your goal. 

Every day, think about your goal for five minutes before leaving work or before going to bed. It's that simple! Think about it. Visualize it. That’s all. Five minutes a day?? Do you have nothing better to do? Do you need five minutes?? I think that’s actually pretty good, because if you don’t spend the first 5-10 minutes of your day thinking about what’s really important to you, you will squander away time doing busy work that only stalls progress toward achieving you. The more time you waste doing things that are not important, the more opportunities you have of never reaching your goals. 

Stop for a second and think about what you do every day. How many hours did you spend browsing social media? How many minutes did you spend on entertainment news sites? I bet the numbers are pretty high considering we only work 8 hours a day. 

The next time you get that urge to check your FB or Tumblr, I want you to hold off and ask yourself: "Is this really important?” If it's not, and it’s just wasting your time; walk away from it! Your five minutes is more important than checking for some new mew Kardashian scandal. If it is something that could potentially lead to stumbling upon something productive or informative like an article on personal development or maybe even watching a TED talk, go ahead if it won't take more than ten minutes. 

If you are not setting goals for yourself, you are missing some serious personal development. We all need goals, even if ours are simple or simple minded. If your boss gives you a goal ..., do it! That’s just being responsible at work. Everyone is expected to have objectives. They may not be labeled as "goals,” but they are still yours to accomplish regardless of what they think about them. 

The difference between goals and dreams is that "Goals" tend to have a time limit. Everyone is different but you should set your goals depending on your age and current situation. Other factors that might play into your decision are, how much money you have, and how many responsibilities you have (Work, family etc.). This is when personal finance comes in handy. If you knew exactly how much money you had coming in every month; it would be easier for you to determine whether or not what you want is realistic. 

Once again, I’ll say this only one last time …GO FUCK SOME MONEY! 

accountability

We have the freedom to choose whatever life we want to live but that does not absolve us of the consequences of those choices. We must take responsibility for our actions and not be so quick to blame others. We are accountable for our choices, not others. Like all people, I have made bad choices in my lifetime, and am still making them. Or I should say that I make some “not-so-good” choices. 

There is a critical point with choices made, and here it is very important to distinguish between accountability and consequences of choices. Accountability is about accepting responsibility for actions taken or words that were spoken, while consequences are what happen because of our decisions. Accountability does not mean that we are automatically entitled to or guaranteed a consequence-free life. Accountability is about being an adult and taking responsibility for our actions, whereas consequences are what happens because of our bad choices. 

I have had a lot of time to think while living in the country in the Hudson Valley over the past few years. One of the things that has been on my mind is how we sometimes try to blame others for our bad choices and then expect something good to come from doing so. It is like we are trying to get short-term satisfaction by feeling morally superior while at the same time we are also trying to escape the consequences of our bad choices.  

We are all pretty much adults, and we know what to expect when we do something not so good. We expect consequences, and the bigger the decision the higher percentage of risks there are for negative consequences. It is part of life. And while getting caught is always possibility, it does not mean that you will get away with your injurious behavior. 

 Accountability and consequences go together, but we often want to believe we can have it both ways: assume accountability for our actions while at the same time expecting no negative consequences from them. That is like trying to get a free lunch!  

The more I sit in the country and think about my past, it becomes apparent that I have been trying to get a free lunch. I try and assume accountability whenever I think it will benefit me in some way, but then I also expect nothing bad to come from my behavior.  

In all this, there is another critical point: An apology being offered for what has been done, is not an excuse. It is a way of accepting responsibility while at the same time making amends for your behavior. The reason people sometimes give excuses is to try and escape the consequences of their behavior. And while you will get no argument from me about how people can be "evil" (yes, I do believe such a thing exists), bad behavior results from the lack of self-control and self-discipline that we all possess. And even when we recognize our mistakes and try to correct them through an apology, there are consequences for those actions too. An apology does not guarantee that the person you have offended will accept it or forgive you. 

The biggest problem with apologies is that they often do not address the consequences of our behavior, and this brings us back to the question of accountability versus consequences. So, whether you truly are sorry or not, apologizing does not mean that you are entitled to anything other than what is deserved by your words and actions. If I am going to learn anything from all this then it must start by not repeating the same mistakes over again. 

I am not saying that I will always make good choices, but at least now I am going to be responsible for my own life. It is a process, one where I try and admit when I make mistakes, then accept responsibility for them, apologize and live with the consequences. 

Finally, here is a tip if you want to avoid consequences: Don't make choices that will result in them! 

being alone

I never really understood the need for alone time until I was married. For a lot of my life, I have been a person who has enjoyed being around others. Before my husband and I married, we talked about the fact that we both liked being social creatures, so there would not be any need for alone time in our lives. HA! This was something I should have listed in my vows when we got married: "I promise to never interfere with your alone time, and I give you permission to have the same for me." 

However, when we moved to NYC, we had no friends, no social network per se and we were around each other 24/7 in a small 1-bedroom apartment. There indeed were many days I went out by myself and did things on my own. We both had a challenging time adjusting to being around each other all the time. However, even if we were not physically together all day long, we were mentally together: planning what we would do, deciding what to eat, how to decorate our new apartment etc.  

At some point, it felt like we were just living together rather than being married. We started fighting about our needs for alone time because now, our need for social interaction was introduced to the relationship. At some point, one of us would step back and say, " I need alone time,” but we could not understand why this time alone request made us feel abandoned or distant from each other. At some point, it finally dawned on me that this was my new life. Just because I got married did not mean I did not need time alone to recharge. This realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I envied all the times I had "privacy" in my life, I realized how much it meant to me. Whether it was spending an hour by myself watching tv or reading a book, taking long lunch breaks at work, or having long-haul flights across the country, I realized how much I craved alone time. 

When we split it was devastating? It was the most painful experience I have ever had because it affected not only my immediate family but also our friends. But after several months of having to go through this process, and the immediate nature of having alone time forced on me, something amazing happened: I realized I was a stronger person. And not only that, but I also learned how to be comfortable alone and not feel guilty about it. 

I oftentimes think about what my life would be like if I had never gotten divorced. Would I still crave the alone time? Or would this desire for aloneness fade away as we got older and more tired physically and mentally? Would we have drifted apart? I do not know the answers to these questions. But what I do know is that I think our need for alone time would have eventually come up because it is human nature. We all need space, whether we are single or married! 

I was not afraid of needing to be alone anymore or even saying "I can't function around others because I need time to recharge every once in a while". It was such an empowering realization, and it has forever changed my life. I have realized that alone time is an extremely important part of my life. It lets me relax, think about things, get creative or just do whatever it is I want to do without having to answer to anyone else. 

We should never feel guilty for needing time to ourselves, whether we are married or not. We all have a certain amount of energy we need to maintain daily. It is up to us if we want to spend this energy with other people or alone, watching TV, reading a book, going for a walk or my favorite, writing. 

However, I understand that it takes time to adjust to the fact that you need alone time just as much as your partner does. One day they will read this article and realize how important it is for both of you to have alone time. It is up to us if we want our relationship to succeed or fail, so choose wisely. 

I have learned to communicate my need for alone time in a way that does not make me feel guilty or my partner feel abandoned. I also know when I should spend the day with my partner or friends and when we should go our separate ways. Having alone time can be extremely healthy and empowering and at some point, you will feel the need to do it and not feel guilty at all. 

I would like you all to remember this: "It's okay to need alone time" if someone does not give it to you, get it for yourself. You will be a better person because of it.  

guilt

Guilt 

Guilt is the feeling that you've done something wrong or made a mistake. Guilt can be useful in making people feel bad about their mistakes so they try to change their behavior, but it can also be used as a way of shifting guilt on to other people. For example, if someone spends more than they earn and cannot afford to buy food for their family, they feel guilty. But if their partner spends too much money on clothes and tells them they can't afford to buy food, they may feel angry with their partner rather than guilt about the situation. 

Guilt is powerful when it's based on empathy; seeing things from another person's perspective and feeling how they must be feeling. If you feel guilty when your partner tells you they are stressed, for example, then that's because you can empathize with them and see how they might be feeling. You don't have to do anything to help them or change the situation but just knowing how they feel makes you want to reach out and support them. Guilt can also be used to manipulate people into doing something they don't want to do. For example, you feel guilty because your partner is stressed about work, so you agree to give up your job so that they don't have to worry anymore. In this situation, your partner has used guilt to get you to do what they want. This manipulation makes it hard for relationships because you can't rely on people feeling guilty about what's important. Sometimes, the person who does the most might feel the least guilty and so there is imbalance in how much concern each partner has for helping one another. But if one person always feels guilty about their actions, they will feel resentful because it makes them feel too responsible for the problems in the relationship. If guilt is used to manipulate you into doing things that are not in your best interest, then it's not a good feeling. 

So, guilt can be good when it encourages us to empathize with other people and take their needs into account. But it can be bad when we use it to manipulate other people to do things they don't really want to do or feel responsible for things that aren't their fault. 

You may also feel guilty when you do not meet your own expectations, which can increase your feelings of stress and anxiety. For example, if you are giving a presentation at work but forget some important information you were going to say, you may feel guilty even though it was an accident, and nobody noticed. 

Guilt is a very common feeling, but it is not always appropriate. If you feel guilty about something, it's important to understand why you are feeling that way and how you can deal with your guilt. Talking with a loved one can help you to gain some perspective and work through the way you feel. 

Success

success

I have an insatiable need to succeed at everything I do. That may sound like a good thing, and in most respects it is. But some of my endeavors were not exactly positive for me or anyone else involved. But That need to succeed was not something in me naturally, it was not innate to my being. I can point to a single moment when it was created. Before I went back to school to get my degree in Interior design, a very good man told me that I was a great friend but was too unstable to date. It stung, but that lit a fire in me that is still burning today.

I decided that I was going to graduate from a decent design school and nothing was going to stop me. For the next few years, I threw myself into my studies with a vehemence that left little time for anything else. It wasn't easy, but I persevered through an entire degree without ever calling in sick or missing a class. I was fully vested in the process and my need for success burned so brightly that I could not imagine any other outcome than graduation day.

My drive to succeed became an addiction. Back then it seemed like everything else in my life took a backseat to this one goal, but now I look at it and realize that all of the efforts were worth it. No one told me what to do with my degree, there were no defined courses of action for a guy in interior design. So I did what was best for me, and did what no one else was doing, I specialized in lighting ,and I got a job working at a new lighting agency with one of the best in the industry and the best mentors I've had.

I was new to the agency and the owner, but everyone already knew who I was, the owner hired me and had put me on retainer three months before I graduated, three months before that, he offered me the position, I was six months away from graduation and not willing to sacrifice completing my studies and graduating. I turned him down, I told the owner that I was not ready yet. He was pretty surprised but promised to call me in three months, he did, to the day, and I accepted the job.

I was in a fantastic position and I was working side by side with the best in the industry for almost 10 years, that opportunity and education is what led me to where I am today. Success stemmed from pride and ownership of my work, I was part of something greater than myself and I was going to make it work. The need for success led me on a road of personal development and self-actualization, a journey that yielded some incredible results.

My drive to succeed is something that has never left me, no matter the task I have always pushed myself harder than anyone else around me, but now my drive comes from a different place. It stems from good habits and an understanding of what it takes to be successful in your field. So while I am still on the quest for success it is done with reverence and respect that I did not have when I was younger. I have more wisdom, I am better at what I'm doing, and I know the steps to success.

My drive to succeed is no longer an addiction but rather a tool, one that can be used for good or ill. One that can push me on when others give up or one that could cause harm if used carelessly. We are all born with the ability to create needs within ourselves, you can use this need for success in whatever manner you see fit. If you are looking for a way to live up to your full potential I suggest using it responsibly.

I've become a better man from my need for success. It's been almost 25 years since that day when an angel told me I was too unstable to date, and it's been almost 8 years since I left that agency. My need for success is still with me and I am grateful to the angel who told me what he did, but now I know that my drive and will to succeed makes me better.

I was never popular in school. I had friends but never felt that anyone ever really wanted to be seen with me. I never felt attractive, I always wore glasses and my skin was bad, my clothes were acceptable at times garish, and I spent most of my time trying to escape my circumstances in fantasy rather than socializing. I was not a good student, I graduated later but it was a small miracle. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and really didn't have the self-awareness to know that about myself.

I play hard and I love hard. It's also true that I sometimes go to extremes to accomplish my goals and dreams. I typically tell someone I love them first, and when they don't return the gesture I'm often left heartbroken. It does not deter me, I have developed a thick skin where my heart is concerned. But it's not easy, so many times I wanted to give up, but the need for success was something that kept me going through these hard years. The need for success in love was born out of pain and insecurity. It has led me on a path of personal development and while I'm still searching for love it is done with respect.

Success found its way into my love life, just as I found it in my work life. My need for success led me down paths that may not have been best for me but they all made me better, now I live with the memories of those roads and try to make them better ones, this is how I honor my past. I have to be successful in my love life, I try hard, sometimes too hard, sometimes not hard enough but I know the effort is always worth it. When I love, I love hard and will do whatever I must, to make things work, so I have no regrets.

My life is full of success and it's because I was willing to do whatever it took, to be whatever it took for me. You have to understand that being your best self will bring the greatest rewards in life, you must try harder than everyone else, but be persistent and patient, if you don't get it right the first time, try again.

My journey to get here was not an easy road. My need for success saw me through the hard times, it directed my focus on what was important and what mattered most. It gave me passion in a world where no one cares.

Now, instead of obsessing over success or using it as fuel to accomplish great things, I see my need for success as a friend who is always there with the right advice at the right time, an angel guiding me towards where I'm supposed to be.

Time can not be reversed or unwritten, but when looking back at my life I feel like time is a malleable thing, and anything can be changed if you are willing to give up something. I gave up the fantasy, the laziness, the entitlement, the lies, and the glamour of my youth for something real, for something true. I gave up the need to be someone else which is another thing altogether. My need for success today is different from what it was then, now I use it with an understanding of who I am and what I want. And for that, I am grateful.

And so my journey continues, with all of its bumps and curves I press on until the end. Because what's the point in doing this life thing if you can't be happy? If your days are not filled with light and wonderment then is there any point to this existence?

listen, don’t hear

I don’t just hear you, Now I’m listening

I can talk, I am comfortable public speaking, and can talk a lot and rarely at a loss for words. I need to talk less and listen more because my issue is my inability to hear people, or more so listen to what they are saying and fully understand them and their intent. I will nod and smile, but not hear anything other than what will fit into my imagined narrative. This has caused me to miss important information or not be able to fully understand a conversation. I need to focus on the person speaking, instead of trying to think of what I am going to say next.

I tend to hear what I want to hear because of the fuzzy gauzed lens of my desires, judgments, and preconceived notions. I need to clean that lens and listen with fresh ears, an open mind, and heart so that I can understand the person speaking for who they are, not for who I want them to be.

Listening intently means that not only am I paying attention to the words that are being spoken, but also the tone, volume, and energy of the person speaking. It means that I am making a conscious effort to understand their entire message, not just the bits and pieces that fit into my worldview. I'm working on it, but it's a process.

When I truly listen to someone, I am committing to fully understanding them, even if I don’t agree with them. I am giving them my undivided attention and showing them that I respect their opinion enough to hear them out. It takes practice, but the rewards are worth it.

Truly listening to someone is one of the most important things I can do for myself and others. When I am actually listening, I am opening up my heart and mind to understand another person on a deeper level. I am showing that I care about what they have to say and that I want to build a connection with them.

Listening is also a powerful way to communicate my feelings and thoughts. When I take the time to listen to someone else, they feel heard and understood, which builds trust and strengthens the connection between us. I can then use that connection as a foundation to share my own experiences and feelings, knowing that I will be listened to.

I need to be able to listen better to others because it allows me to better understand them and their point of view. It also helps me build better relationships with the people around me. Listening is an essential skill that everyone should improve.

So how can you become a better listener? The first step is to be aware of your listening habits. Are you always thinking about what you're going to say next, or are you zoning out? Are you only listening to respond, or are you truly trying to understand the other person's point of view? Once you are aware of your listening habits, you can change them.

Here are some tips for becoming a better listener:

1. Be present. When you're talking to someone, make sure you're focused on them and not on anything else. Put away your phone, turn off the TV, and make eye contact.

2. Listen with your ears and your heart. Pay attention to what the other person is saying, not just to the words they are using. Try to understand their point of view and what they are feeling.

3. Don't interrupt. Let the other person finish talking before you respond.

4. Paraphrase what the other person has said. This will help you make sure you understood them correctly.

5. Avoid judgmental comments. Don't judge or criticize the other person's point of view. Just listen and try to understand it.

6. Ask questions if you don't understand something. If there is something you don't understand, ask the other person to explain it.

7. Be patient. Listening takes time and practice. It's not something that you can do overnight.

8. Show interest in what the other person has to say. Let them know that you are interested in what they have to say by nodding, making eye contact, and asking questions.

9. Be respectful. Always treat the other person with respect, even if you don't agree with them.

10. Practice, practice, practice! The more you listen, the better you will become at it.

When I take the time to listen to someone, I are opening up our hearts and minds to them. I am building a connection with them that can be used to share our own experiences and feelings. To improve your listening skills be aware of your tendency to focus on yourself and try to make a conscious effort to focus on the other person. Pay attention to their body language and facial expressions and try to understand what they are saying instead of just hearing it.

Another way to improve your listening skills is by practicing active listening. Active listening involves paying attention to the other person, repeating back what you heard them say, and asking questions to clarify. This not only allows you to better understand the other person, but it also shows that you are interested in what they have to say.

Lastly, remember that everyone can improve their listening skills. It takes practice and effort, but the payoff is worth it. When you become a better listener, you will develop better relationships with the people around you. You will also gain a better understanding of their point of view, which can be valuable in discussions and negotiations.

So, talk less and listen more and see the difference it makes in your life.

rent free

rent free

You live in my heart rent-free,

You are welcome to stay forever.

You never have to worry about a thing,

I'll always be there for you.

If there is room in your heart,

Please make room for me.

I'll wait until its ready.

You are my heart's true place,

There's nothing like the feeling of coming home.

It's always warm and welcoming,

No matter what happens in the outside world

You live in my heart rent-free,

You are welcome to stay forever.

I love you.

Doubt

Doubt is a devil on my shoulder.

I am constantly battling with doubt. It is a constant thorn in my side, trying to convince me that I am not good enough.

Doubt tells me that I am not smart enough, or talented enough. It tells me that I am a fraud and that I am going to be discovered at any moment.

Doubt is a liar, and I have to fight hard to not believe it.

I know that I am capable of great things because I have accomplished many great things in my life, and I know that I can do more.

Doubt wants me to give up, but I am not going to let it win. I am going to keep fighting, and I am going to keep achieving my goals.

Doubt may be a devil on my shoulder, but I am not going to let it defeat me.

I am going to stay strong and keep moving forward

perseverance

Perseverance

I'm not saying that it's bad, or anything like that. Perseverance is definitely a virtue; but when you persevere at something for too long, even if it's the right choice, you become prideful and arrogant about your decision. This can turn into a downward spiral where you keep persevering because of this false sense of self until you're walking around with a half destroyed life.

" There's a time and place for perseverance, but it is not in all moments."

It's important to remember that perseverance isn't always the answer. Sometimes you have to stop what you're doing and re-evaluate your choices. This doesn't mean that you're weak and can't stick to your goals. It just means that you're human and should be allowed to change your mind every now and again.

So how do we know when to persevere or cut our losses? I think the answer lies in knowing yourself, gauging the risk/reward factor of a situation, and knowing your boundaries.

All of these factors will help you determine when to push through and persevere, and when to cut your losses and start over. Let's take each one individually:

Know yourself – You can't expect everyone to be happy or satisfied with the choices that you make. Sometimes we want different things than other people, and that's okay. You don't have to get everyone's approval for every decision you make, just be aware of how other people might react to your ideas so that you can prepare yourself mentally. If someone close to you doesn't support your idea or decision, take the time to reflect on why their opinion is in contrast with yours. Maybe it's something that you haven't considered and will change your mind. Maybe it means that the choice isn't right for you, and you can move on. Either way, knowing yourself is the key to making a decision after weighing all of the factors listed here.

Gauge risk vs reward – This is probably one of the most important decisions you can make. If you look at your choice and the possible outcomes, and decide that there's a very small chance for success or it simply isn't worth the risk/stress/effort then cut your losses and move on. This is where knowing yourself will come in handy, because if this decision holds a great deal of importance to you- you're going to have a harder time letting it go. There are definitely cases where reconsidering the choice only brings more risk/pain, and that's when you have to decide if perseverance is truly worth your sanity.

Know your boundaries – This is different for everyone. What I mean by this is knowing the kinds of things that make you happy, what kind of person you are (laid back vs high strung), and how far you're willing to go for something. I'm not saying that this is easy; it's definitely the hardest thing on the list here- but it's also important. If your life is full of stress and drama, you might want to reevaluate some of the choices that put you into that situation. If you're uncomfortable or feel like someone is taking advantage of your kindness then it's time to stop putting yourself through this.

Know when to persevere – This is where I think perseverance works best; when you know something isn't ideal but you've weighed all of your options and can't find a way out. It's okay to make less than ideal choices because you don't have other options. In fact, I think it's the only time perseverance should be used. The other side of this is when you know what your choice entails and you're going into it willingly- not because there isn't another choice that could yield less or more ideal results, but because you've decided this is the best route for you. These are the only instances in which I think it's okay to make a choice and double down on your efforts.

When to cut your losses – This one is a little harder, but it's also very important. Everyone has a breaking point- you know those situations that are completely out of your control and make you want to pull your hair out? You have to learn when enough is enough and put the effort into finding a way out before you lose yourself over something. The key to this one is knowing yourself and when you start doing things that are out of character for you, or when your stress/drama level gets so high it starts impacting other areas in your life. If these things are happening then it's time to reevaluate the situation because chances are there's a better choice somewhere else- even if you can't see it at the moment.

my inner child

I have a very sensitive, creative, insecure, and loving little boy that still lives in me. He still needs love and attention, and positive reinforcement. I need to start to treat him like he is a real child in need of protection, not a thing to suppress. He needs to be treated as if a stranger were to hurt him, I would protect him.

I need to start respecting his boundaries as I respect those of other adults, but others need to respect his/my boundaries too and I need to express them for him and for myself more clearly. This is the only way I can protect him while still living my life.

I need to give him strength and validation for the things he feels and thinks. He is a sensitive soul that should be allowed to follow his feelings and not feel ashamed for it. Kindness and understanding should be first the first response: NOT SHAME, REJECTION AND EMPATHY LACKING!

This may seem like a strange viewpoint, but after so much time being conditioned by my adult life and adult relationships to be and act certain ways, it is going to take a lot of effort on my part to undo what has been done. I want so much for this boy inside me to be able to thrive, to love and be loved and respected. I want to be able to take care of the boy inside me the same way that I would love my own child if they were hurting or afraid, but this can't happen until I give him what he needs. I need to be the man I needed as a child.

I need to give him back what he has given me throughout the years. A place of safety and security, someone to guide in the right direction while encouraging and celebrating his uniqueness. I need to give him back some of the precious childhood dreams he has given me that were never meant for me. I need to be able to accept his differences and treat them as strengths not weaknesses. I also need to allow him time to just play, and re-build confidence.

He needs a safe space where he can be spontaneous without having to worry about reactions or judgments from others.

In this way, I will give him the chance to shine.

If this boy inside is ever really going to find himself- I must find him!

body built of scars

an open wound 

fresh and familiar 

exposed and vulnerable  

the cut

is

so

deep  

air stings

completely avoidable

i’m tending  it 

i’m mending it 

everyday 

to help make the pain go away

it’s never fast enough

and no novocain 

the wound will heal

with care and time

a scar will remain 

i wish i could see 

but it’s there  

soft and tender 

reminding me

of the pain 

the scar will mature 

solidify and ease 

so will the memory 

and a lesson will be revealed

the pain will fade

but 

never 

fully 

d  i  s  a  p  p  e  a  r .    

i wash away the fear 

i wash away the pain

not just with tears 

as all things dissolve 

with the entropy of time

my triage skill remains sharp

i’m always ready 

for another cut 

and another scar 

to a

appear 

self awareness

self-awareness

I always thought self-awareness was something you were born with, but have since learned it is something that is taught and I had to learn how to be more self-aware.. You can be taught to be more aware of your own feelings and how they play out in your life. It is different from introspection, which is about examining yourself without any outside influence or distraction. Self-awareness has outside influences, it is very personal, but it allows you to see your feelings about yourself within certain situations.

I was unaware of how much I responded to my feelings about myself. I knew I had conflicting emotions all of the time, but did not know why, or that there were reasons for it. Now after learning about self-awareness through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), I can see clearly what is happening with my brain and why, which helps me feel better.

People who are self-aware have a strong sense of identity. They understand how they have been influenced by their interactions with others and can separate from that influence to truly understand themselves as a person apart from others, which is healthy because it allows for self-compassion and respect. However, people who are not self-aware tend to struggle more because they do not understand themselves as separate from others, which means they can't distinguish where others end, and they begin. They tend to be more susceptible to outside influence and can't make decisions without considering how they think others will perceive the action.

When I am struggling with my emotions, or when I feel like my brain is doing something that does not make sense, or conflicting with how it has been behaving for the past few months, I can take a step back and say to myself, "I know this feels cloudy, but let me get through the fog so I can see what's going on." Then I think about why it is happening. Is it because one of my two selves has been activated? Is it because something from the past that happened where I was not self-aware is resurfacing? Is it because my brain is struggling with the present and how it is responding to certain things?

By learning about myself, I can better understand why certain feelings come up for me at specific times. I can see that there are reasons behind my actions and reactions, which helps me feel more in control of myself and my actions.

When I can recognize that an event has triggered a certain response in me, I can change how I respond by talking nicely to myself about what is happening, which changes the way my brain responds, which makes it easier for me not to get overwhelmed by my feelings.

The most common method to test self-awareness is to sit someone down in front of a mirror and watch them. What they do and say at that moment, if it is genuine or not, can help you to see their true, unfiltered colors. Most people will be able to talk and move in a normal manner. A few may laugh or smile widely at their reflection—something we've all done at some point. But, more often than not, they will look away and possibly even cover their face or turn the mirror around so they can't see themselves. At this moment, you have seen what truly lies beneath the surface for them—what their self-awareness is.

In most cases, a mirror is not required to see someone's self-awareness. We all have degrees of self-awareness in ourselves, as it is a part of being human. It can determine how successful we are in life and how happy our relationships will be. When someone is aware of themselves, it means they are self-possessed. They are aware of their strengths and weaknesses. At the same time, they are at peace with how they look and who they truly are. They know their limitations and accept them, but they work on either minimizing the negative or maximizing the positive.

Self-aware people know that they are not perfect and never will be, but at the same time, they don't let that hold them back. They focus on their positive qualities and work to improve the rest. In a sense, they can learn from their mistakes and experiences. They use them to shape who they are as a person without letting them dictate who they will become.

At the same time, self-aware people know what bothers them about themselves, but they don't allow it to get in their way of living life. If they're unhappy with something about themselves, then they'll do the inner work that is needed to change it. Because of this, even if what bothers them isn't fixed, at least they know they've tried and given it their all.

If someone is not self-aware, it can be a serious issue. A lack of self-awareness can lead to:

• Stress and anxiety

• Depression

• Behavioral issues, including violence

• Relationship problems

It's important to make sure children are taught about self-awareness at a young age. If not, they could become adults that are either stuck in their ways or feel they must put up a false front when around others.

Children and adults that need to be taught how to be self-aware gain any benefits doing so, including:

• Improved communication skills

• Higher level of confidence

• Happier relationships

• Greater ability to solve problems on one's own

Self-awareness is also important for personal growth. It allows people to move past their issues and focus on becoming a better version of themselves. It helps them handle unfortunate situations as they arise, rather than allowing them to hinder them for years.

How do you teach self-awareness?

'Self-awareness' is a particularly hard quality to teach. Rather, students of self-awareness need to encourage the spirit of self-awareness. They should help students to become more comfortable with themselves, their feelings, and how they are perceived by others. They should also be aware of the traits associated with self-awareness, such as empathy, perspective-taking, honesty, trustworthiness, helpfulness, gratitude, modesty, courage, perseverance, etc.

They should be taught to question themselves and their feelings, as well as how they act in certain situations. They need to be able to take a step back from their thoughts and feelings, to be able to analyze them.

One way to do this is by encouraging them to keep a journal. They can write down their feelings and thoughts throughout the day. This will help them to see patterns in themselves, which could help them work on becoming a better version of themselves.

Another way to teach self-awareness is by encouraging people to take a step back and watch how they interact with others. They need to pay attention to their facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language. This can help them figure out which behaviors are welcomed by other people, and which are not.

It's important for teachers to also model self-awareness in their own lives, so they can show students what it looks like. They need to be able to admit when they've made a mistake and why that was the case. This helps them learn that making mistakes shows that we're trying, and it's how we respond to those mistakes that defines who we are as people.

Another way for teachers to teach self-awareness is by encouraging students to be honest when it comes to their feelings and mistakes. For example, if a student falls over because they missed a step, the teacher shouldn't laugh or point out that mistake in front of others. Instead, they should soothe the student and let them know it was okay.

It's also important for teachers to let students know it's okay not to be perfect. It's impossible to be perfect, but people can keep trying and become better versions of themselves.

It's also important to have a strong support system in place. If you are struggling with misplaced feelings or behaviors, it's vital to have people around you who can help motivate and guide you.

'Self-awareness is the ability to reflect and gain an insight into your thought and behavior patterns. This provides you with a greater understanding of yourself and your reactions or interactions with others, which then allows you to adjust accordingly.'

Remember, self-awareness is the key to happiness and success

Happiness

Joy is fleeting, invest in happiness stocks now!

Is this even possible?

Will the stock market finally enter the realm of ethics?

We're not sure yet but we'll find out soon.

Will it be successful though? Most likely.

Based on extensive research compiled over my breakfast this morning, only one asset class provides reliable returns in all economic scenarios: happiness investments.

As our world has become less and less friendly to the average Joe and Jane, we all look for ways to escape the day-to-day problems life puts upon us. The pursuit of happiness (or unhappiness avoidance) has always been a worthwhile investment whether we like it or not. I hereby make available my study on happiness investments and their effects on economic growth and personal finance.

The key findings:

- Happiness is an important predictor of economic growth.

- Increases in happiness lead to immediate increases in consumption and savings(!).

- Consumption and savings lead to short-term economic growth, but the effect on long-term economic growth is unclear. (It was a small breakfast study)

- The market for happiness investments has completely failed so far. Why? The Capitalist system can't provide happiness.

- Happiness is positively correlated with empathy, compassion, and generosity.

Now, let's move on to the details!

Happiness as a predictor of economic growth;

Let's first understand why happiness should be a predictor for economic growth. In an ever-changing world, to keep up you have to adapt. One way to do so is by being happy. Why? Well, because being unhappy makes it impossible to enjoy anything else in life and then your only goal becomes to combat the unhappiness. To fight unhappiness, people work harder and longer hours while simultaneously cutting down on consumption. This leads to a decrease in productivity and eventually lower economic growth rates. The effect is so strong it's depressing (!!!!)

Increases in happiness lead to immediate increases in consumption and savings;

Based on this logic we should be seeing an increase in economic growth whenever we see an increase in happiness. That's exactly what we've seen on a historical basis. So, happiness is without a doubt a predictor of economic growth on the macro level!

Why the Capitalist system can't provide happiness;

In Capitalist countries, huge amounts of money are being spent on products and services that have been scientifically proven to not affect happiness. These expenditures have been estimated to be as high as $1 trillion per year in the US alone! This is not only an ethical problem but also a severe drag on the economy. The increased spending doesn't raise the overall happiness level though. It merely spreads it more thinly among people and increases unhappiness in aggregate, causing further decreases in consumption and even less well-being. The economy is sent into a downward spiral of decreasing happiness until it finally collapses.

Happiness is positively correlated with empathy, compassion, and generosity.

Empathy, compassion, and generosity are all strong predictors for higher happiness levels. If we want to develop our economy, more of us must start building up these positive traits! Fortunately, the research on happiness also shows that cultivating empathy and compassion is not only highly rewarding but also extremely fun! It just takes some effort to get started and the payoffs are amazing. So, there might be a way to get rich quickly after all.

Ethics:

Based on the false belief that money can buy happiness, many people are engaged in unethical business practices that manipulate consumers into buying more than they need or want. By using psychological techniques, advertising companies increase our dissatisfaction with what we have and drive us further into debt to reduce it. An ethical business agenda, on the other hand, could provide an alternative route for increasing happiness levels. The aim of every company should be to sell products that improve people's lives instead of making them feel bad or inadequate about their current situations. This is an effort that I am committed to as part of my business activities. So, there you have it! A solution to the unhappiness problem, at least partially. I'm not sure how useful all this is in practice though. It seems to me that a good way to become happy is not focusing on the question of happiness at all. I'm pretty sure Einstein said something similar about science...

So, after my extensive research, I found that there are three main components to happiness: pleasure, happiness, and meaning. Because of current data availability, my study is limited to the time it will take to eat my last pancake. This means it's composed entirely of good feelings and experiences that you can have in a single day.

Happiness = The feeling of being content with your life as a whole. Meaning, the long-term well-being & satisfaction you get from everything you do during your time on Earth.

Pleasure = The feeling of having a good time, good experiences, and a positive state of mind.

Meaning = The feeling of contributing to something bigger than yourself.

So, the key question is: Can happiness investments affect all three measurements equally? It turns out they can! Now just trust me on this one. I measured how happy people are clearly and objectively. Obviously, the best way to do this would be using a Functional MRI scanner but I can't afford one myself so instead, I used a rudimentary alternative: see image attached.

This amazing picture above was taken after dinner!

There you have it; we now know how much money you need to be happy. I'm going to put this research to good use in my business activities.

Have a great day everyone and be happy!

Choices

We have the freedom to choose whatever life we want to live but that does not absolve us of the consequences of those choices. We must take responsibility for our actions and not be so quick to blame others. We are accountable for our choices, not others. Like all people, I have made bad choices in my lifetime, and am still making them. Or, maybe I should say that I have made some not-so-good choices.

There is a critical point with choices made, and it is very important to distinguish between accountability and consequences. Accountability is about accepting responsibility for actions taken or words that were spoken, while consequences are what happen as a result of our decisions. Accountability does not mean that we are automatically entitled to or guaranteed a consequence-free life. Accountability is about being an adult and taking responsibility for our actions, whereas consequences are what happens as a result of our bad choices.

I've had a lot of time to think while living in the country in the Hudson Valley over the past few years. One of the things that has been on my mind is how we sometimes try to blame others for our bad choices and then expect something good to come from doing so. It's like we're trying to get short-term satisfaction by feeling morally superior while at the same time we're also trying to escape the consequences of our bad choices.

I think we're all pretty much adults and we know what to expect when we do something not so good. We expect consequences, and the bigger the decision the higher percentage of risks there are for negative consequences. It's part of life. And while getting caught is still a possibility, it doesn't mean that you will get away with your bad behavior.

 Accountability and consequences go hand-in-hand, but we often want to believe we can have it both ways: assume accountability for our actions while at the same time expecting no negative consequences from them. That's like trying to get a free lunch!

The more I sit in the country and think about my past, it becomes apparent that I've been trying to get a free lunch. I try and assume accountability whenever I think it will benefit me in some way, but then I also expect nothing bad to come from my behavior.  

In all this, there is another critical point: An apology being offered for what has been done, is not an excuse. It's a way of accepting responsibility while at the same time making amends for your behavior. The reason why people sometimes give excuses is to try and escape the consequences of their behavior. And while you will get no argument from me about how people can be "evil" (yes, I do believe such a thing exists), most bad behavior results from the lack of self-control and self-discipline that we all possess.

And even when we recognize our mistakes and try to correct them through an apology, there are consequences for those actions. An apology does not guarantee that the person you have offended will accept it or forgive you.

The biggest problem with apologies is that they often do not address the consequences of our behavior, and I think this brings us back to the question of accountability versus consequences.   So, whether you truly are sorry or not, apologizing doesn't mean that you are entitled to anything other than what is deserved by your words and actions. If I am going to learn anything from all this then it has to start by not repeating the same mistakes over again.

I'm not saying that I will always make good choices, but at least now I am trying to be responsible for my own life. It's a process, one where I try and admit when I make mistakes, then accept responsibility for them, apologize and live with the consequences.

Finally, here's a tip if you want to avoid consequences: Don't make choices that will result in them!

CWQuigley

Struggle

Struggling with mental illness is not always a daily battle. Sometimes it is more like a full-scale war. People who spend every day fighting the depression, anxiety, mood swings and other symptoms of mental illness are often left exhausted by the relentless fight. What many are not aware of is how common it is to come across people who are silently fighting their own war. People who are too afraid to admit they need help, or even feel ashamed of their symptoms.

Yup I am having one of those days...actually weeks. Dealing with the simplest of tasks is a chore and it is not a fair fight. I feel like the old me is gone or left his body and this new person has taken over.

Mental illness is the leading cause of disability around the world. Among these, depression. The most common mental illness, affecting more than three hundred million people of all ages worldwide. Symptoms include sadness, loss of interest in activities once enjoyed, changes in appetite and energy levels, difficulty sleeping or oversleeping, feelings of guilt or low self-worth, difficulty concentrating and suicidal thoughts.

Easier said than done. We all know that depression is one of the most common mental illnesses, but what about all these other conditions?

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting forty million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or 18 percent of the population. It is also estimated that 44 percent of the population will experience an anxiety disorder in their lifetime.

Symptoms include, but are not limited to, feelings of panic or fear, shortness of breath or smothering sensations, chest pain or discomfort, choking or nausea, dizziness, light-headedness or loss of balance, tingling hands or feet, feeling that things around them are "not real" or fear of losing control.

Just being me.

The symptoms for obsessive-compulsive disorder include unwanted thoughts or ideas, repetitive behaviors, fears of contamination, irrational worries, unwanted images. The two most common mental illnesses are actually very close, but why is it that they go hand in hand?

"Anxiety and depression often occur together. They can occur at separate times or simultaneously. Sometimes anxiety precedes depression and sometimes depression precedes anxiety. But even when they occur at the same time, it is important to know that both can be treated effectively. It is not uncommon for people to experience one or the other — or even both at the same time — and lead very productive lives."

Vicious cycle.

As it turns out, this is not rare at all. According to clinical studies, about half people with unipolar depression develop comorbid anxiety disorders. If you are wondering what the other half is up to - they're developing something else entirely new.

It is like an endless circle. I feel one way, then it changes to something else. And moreover, there are times when I have absolutely no idea what is going on or how I am feeling.

But as they say “Do not be so hard on yourself”, every disorder has its own timeline for development. Some may develop after a major life event, while others do not show their symptoms until much later. If you are struggling, it is important to keep in mind that recovery can take many forms. Recovery does not mean that all the symptoms will go away - recovery means that you will learn to cope with them, so they no longer interfere in your life.

I wish I could explain what it feels like.

Work

It costs companies more to replace top talent than it would have cost to keep them by improving their salaries and developing their growth potential.

A study (conducted by Towers Watson) found that companies can lose millions for every top-level executive they lose, plus the time it takes to recruit, train and integrate a new leader. The loss of a top performer costs more because it takes time and money to find someone just as good.

A survey by Right Management Consultants found that 95% of companies feel they are losing valued employee contributions when an employee leaves, but only 33% felt they did enough to keep their talents.

If you think you're high-potential employees are considering leaving, here are a few steps to help you retain them.

1) Listen

You have two ears and one mouth for a reason. It's much easier to keep an employee close if you know what they want beforehand.   

A Global Leadership Forecast Study showed that leaders who used a performance management process were eight times more likely to keep their top performers than those that didn't.

2) allow your employees to grow with the company

If you've never given an employee the chance to advance, chances are they'll go somewhere else where they can start climbing the ladder.

3) Don't rely on job titles alone

What do your high-potential employees want? A promotion? More responsibility? To earn more money? If you're not sure what your talent wants, ask them!

4) Build relationships

Talented employees are always looking for a connection with their employer, if they feel like you care about them as an individual they'll be less likely to leave.

5) If you want something done ask a busy person to do it

It may seem counterintuitive, but employees with lots going on at work are less likely to leave. A study conducted by the Center for American Progress found that as tasks become more complex and time becomes more limited, employees become more committed to their organization.

6) "Incentivize" your top employees-Everyone loves a reward, and high-potential employees are no exception. If you want to keep them around, show them that their efforts aren't going unnoticed.

7) Ensure they see the big picture-It's all well and good knowing what your talented employees do day-to-day but they need to know why it matters. They need to understand how their efforts contribute to the success of your company and the market in general. If they don't know, they'll go somewhere where they can see for themselves.

How about you? What do you think is the best way to retain top employees? Or perhaps there's a better way than these?

Thanks for taking the time to read,

I hope you found this article interesting and enlightening. If you did, please share it with others. You can do this easily by clicking on one of the social share buttons below.

Until next time, All the best!

Christopher Quigley

Gratitude

The words grateful and gratitude have been floating around me a lot recently. I am sure it is because of my current mindset and some incredibly positive input, but lately when I think about gratitude, my mind is filled with all the things I am grateful for in my life, all of which are people or relationships.

It is funny, because I always thought that gratitude was something you only related to materialistic objects you were given, like a new pair of shoes or gadgets or home appliances. Even food I have always been grateful for. It has just become more profound recently, whether it is my choice or not.

The past few years have been a struggle for me in so many ways, but I look back on how much harder things have been and I just feel stuck. Does anyone else ever get that way? Well, this past week, a friend spoke to me about his past and his current outlook on life and how he believes everything happens for a reason and how grateful and forgiving he is. My takeaway was, it is so important to be grateful for what we have because if we are not thankful for the good things in our lives, then we are not opening ourselves up to see the good that is trying to come into our lives.

I have always thought it is important to be grateful for what I have in my life, but I do not think I ever really acted on that belief. I have a challenge for you all, think long and hard about the person, place, or anything for that matter. This does not have to be materialistic; it can be your pet dog or your favorite song, a person, place or whatever. Just take a moment each day to think about that "I am grateful for this because ___________." Now, take it one step further and say or write down your gratitude(s) during that moment. I am not going to lie; this is not the easiest thing, but we must start somewhere, and you will be surprised how much better you feel when you do this.

Gratitude reduces the effects of stress on your body - it is that simple, just think about what you are grateful for during stressful times and see how much better you feel. Increased optimism - because when we practice gratitude, we look at things in a unique perspective, right? Negative emotions shrink while positive emotions grow - when we are practicing gratitude, we are focusing on the good things that bring positive emotions into our lives. Gratitude is contagious - go on and spread some joy by sharing your gratitude with family, friends or even strangers!

I hope you all take this challenge to heart because it really is effective.

Just a quick note, this is not me trying to push any beliefs onto anyone about religion & such, just look at it as more of a suggestion, that what is presented to us in the world only comes around once (so do not take it for granted) and when we show our gratitude, it is a powerful thing.

Thank you for reading,

Until next time.

Control

We can only control four things in life,

Our desires

Our actions

Our words

Our intentions

I will clarify these below.

We can control our desires, but we cannot say that we always choose to do so. This is because the influence of our desires is sometimes too strong to resist. People who are ruled by their desires become a victim of this influence. They eventually lose themselves to them with no longer being able to control them.

We can control the actions we take if we have the willingness to do so. It is not hard for anyone who has that willing mind because it is an easy task that needs only a few attempts to perfect. However, the result of mastering this task makes it easier for us to achieve our goals without having any problem in taking whatever thoughtful actions are required to achieve them.

We can control the words we speak, but sometimes people are not aware of their words, they only say things without considering the consequences. Later when they become aware of what they have said, they feel regret for saying it. But when we know the consequences of our words and take caution in speaking to them, we can minimize problems they create. Speak your words with intention.

We can control our intentions, controlling our intentions is easy, but many people fail to do so. It is because they just act without having any specific purpose in mind. One who wants to achieve something, therefore, should always keep his/her intentions clear and set.

Desires determine your actions, actions determine your words, words determine your intentions, and intentions determine all your desires.

If you want to do something, that is a desire.

If you say it, but do not mean it, that's just words.

If you think you are going to do something and then decide against it later, that is the intention.

If you intend to not do it, but then do it, that is the action.

The last point is the most important because if you intend to not do something and try your hardest not to, and you still find yourself doing it, then you need to make stronger intentions until there is no doubt about what your desires are and what they will lead you to do, then you will find that everything else falls into place as an afterthought or consequence of those decisions.

The only way to have total control is to never have any desires, never want anything, never intending anything, never saying anything, and never doing anything. Not exactly a realistic goal, and since it is impossible to not have any desires . . . all you can do is work towards having better desires.

The question is, which do you want more? To be in control or to have better desires?

That is what we call a trade-off.

You know the answer to this question already . . . it is an obvious decision; we all want better desires.

I tell you this because it is possible to have any desire and make it into a good one, with the right timing, the right words said at the perfect moment, and saying it with pure intentions, a desire can be made into a good one.